Msgr. Peter J. Vaghi
Title of Series: "Moral Life: Living the Hope Within Us"

Part 4: "The Fourth Commandment: Love for Mother and Father -- An Unfolding Love"

December 4th, 2008
First Thursday

I have entitled this 4th meditation, this mediation on the fourth commandment: “Love of Mother and Father -- An Unfolding Love.”

Before moving into our threefold approach to this commandment, I wish to recount an experience I had a few years ago when a friend and I visited the then newly-opened Borghese Museum at Rome. It is a wonderful museum in the Borghese Gardens in the heart of Rome.

In particular fashion, we were both struck by the statue of Aeneas fleeing from the burning Troy. In this magnificent piece of art by Gian Lorenzo Bernini, Aeneas is carrying his father on his shoulders and his little son is clinched to him as they escape Troy. Aeneas, a prince of Troy and the son of Venus, became a part of pre-Roman history when he escaped from the destruction of Troy with his son and father. He dutifully followed the destiny set down by the gods, earning the name pius Aeneas, and eventually led the surviving Trojans to settle in the area that would become Rome. Aeneas exhibited all the characteristics necessary of a great hero: selflessness, honor, loyalty and pietas. Pietas is a traditional Roman value which can be defined as duty, honor, and responsibility to others, and the taking of these obligations seriously. Throughout antiquity, Aeneas is associated with this Roman value of pietas. And the statue in Rome has forever been a part of my memory when I think of the fourth commandment.

In our day, and for many of you, the fourth commandment value of pietas means the taking care of our parents, especially but not only as they grow older and not simply children honoring parents. As Aeneas rescued his father, exhibiting so well the virtue of pietas, each of us is called to show duty and honor to our parents, and teach our children to do the same. It is a love unfolding. Keep this image of Aeneas in mind as we study the 4th commandment. This commandment applies to all of us no matter our age or circumstance. It is a commandment which deals with family.

On this First Thursday of Advent, we appropriately are drawn to this commandment -- for Advent is a time of preparation for celebration of the birth of our Savior born into a family. The 4th commandment -- the commandment that requires that we honor our father and mother -- is about “family values” and the value of the family as the “domestic church.” It speaks moreover of relationships within a family. We begin our reflection where we always do, namely, the Hebrew understanding of the fourth commandment.

l.) The Hebrew Understanding

There are two major points to underscore here -- linkage of the fourth commandment to the covenant with Moses AND the fourth commandment seen as a bridge between the first three commandments and the other six. It reads:

“Honor your father and your mother, that you may have a long life in the land which the Lord, your God, is giving you.” Ex 20:12

First, at the heart of the Hebrew understanding of “parental honor” is its link to the covenant. Remember that the 10 commandments were at the core of the covenant relationship between Yahweh and the Hebrew people. They were the way free people were to live. Both the text from Deuteronomy and Exodus links the command to honor father and mother with the promise of “a long life” and prosperity “in the land which the Lord, your God, is giving you.”

Parents were responsible to teach their children about the covenant. By so doing, both children and parents would prosper on the land promised them. Parents were the repositories of tradition and they thus deserved respect and honor from their children. To teach effectively, children had to be a receptive audience. If children did not honor their parents and were rebellious and self-centered, they would not be able to learn the key covenant relationship with God, and as a consequence of dishonoring their parents, the children would not prosper in the promised land. The fruit of children honoring parents in this way was to provide solid family structure for the Israelites and pass on the “charter of freedom” to them.

No penalties were set forth or threats given for failure to comply with the fourth commandments but other passages in the Hebrew scripture underscore that this commandment was the weightiest.

In particular, Sirach 3:1-16 is akin to a commentary on the fourth commandment. In part, we read: “He who honors his father atones for sins; he stores up riches who reveres his mother. He who honors his father is gladdened by children, and when he prays he is heard. He who reveres his father will live a long life; he obeys the Lord who brings comfort to his mother.” Sir 3:3-6

(Read also Deut 21:18-21; Prov 19:26, 20:20, 30:17; Lev 20:9)

Second, the other aspect of the Hebrew understanding of this commandment focuses on its nature as a “bridge.” The first three commandments are traditionally understood as our obligations to God whereas the second seven treat obligations toward fellow human beings.

But scripture scholars point out that the reference to the “Lord your God” in the fourth commandment serves as a bridge between those commandments traditionally understood as relating to God and those relating to one’s fellow human being.

Another argument in addition to the explicit use of the word “God” is the use of the word “honor” (kabbed) -- a word traditionally used in relation to God. “Honor” or kabbed frequently has God as its object. To “honor” parents, in the Hebrew mind, is thus to accord them a respect and importance typically reserved for the sacred. In effect, parents become visible representatives of God. The commandment thus suggests an attitude towards parents that parallel’s one’s attitude towards God --honor, fear and reverence.

Greeks and Romans were just as certain as the Jews that “honor” must be paid to parents. In his Nicomaethean Ethics, Aristotle writes: “Honor is also due to the parents as it is to the gods.”

Note well that the fourth commandment uses the Hebrew word kabbed which is translated “honor” and not the Hebrew word for “obey.” This is not accidental. The duty of “obedience” diminishes as children become adults. But “honor” can and should persist long after the age of dependence. People are always the children of parents, and their obligation does not cease as long as the parents live. That’s the point. By showing “honor” to their parents, they strengthen the system that bestows honor on themselves as parents even when a kind of “role reversal” is taking place as our parents age, as we age.

The fourth commandment is admittedly directed to persons of any age whose parents are living. In the Hebrew understanding, however, it was not primarily directed to children to tell them how to treat their parents. It was primarily directed to adults -- how mature adults were to treat their older or elderly parents. Remember Pius Aeneas! That does not mean it is inapplicable to children. It applies there also. But importantly, the commandment focuses on the mature person no longer under the control of parents and now probably stronger than parents in every way. It has in mind elderly parents, the weaker and needier members of the relationship. To them is “honor” due -- to those feeble, senile or of diminished capacity. And interestingly, in the Hebrew mind, mothers and fathers were treated equally under this commandment.

2.) The Effect of the Christ Event

Could there be a better time of the year, this holy season of Advent, to ponder the relationships in family, a time when our God, the Son of God, became man and was born into a family? It is that time of year when we reflect on the perduring meaning of His birth among us and its implications to this day in our own lives, the effect of the birth of Christ on the fourth commandment. In His very flesh, after all, He began to live personally that fourth commandment which His Father had given to Moses on Mt. Sinai. Jesus came not to abolish the law but to fulfill it. And He did this precisely in His own person.

For sure, Jesus reaffirmed the decalogue as the moral core and center also of the Christian life, but He did more. He enabled us by His birth, life, death, resurrection and sending the Spirit to live the 10 commandments in a new way that the Greeks and Hebrews were unable -- in a uniquely Christian and transforming way. He fulfilled the Hebrew law by pouring the love of God, the Holy Spirit, into our very hearts.

In addition to enabling us to live the commandments, by His transformative love within us, Jesus also specifically reaffirmed, personalized and expanded the letter of the Hebrew law.

Three points:

First, St. Luke tells us about Jesus’ relationship with His parents in that He “went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them.” Lk 2:51 He did personally what His Father ordered Moses as one of the pillars of freedom and love for the newly-freed Hebrew people. He honored His parents. He obeyed them.

Second, as the catechism teaches “the fourth commandment reminds grown children of their responsibilities toward their parents. As much as they can, they must give them material and moral support in old age and in times of illness, loneliness, or distress. Jesus recalls this duty of gratitude.” CCC 2218 In fact, Jesus changed the law from the experience and interpretation of the Hebrew people. Moreover, He condemns the practice of using religious laws to mistreat one’s parents.

Jesus tells us: “For example, Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and in another place, ‘Whoever curses father or mother shall be put to death.’ Yet you declare, ‘If a person says to his father or mother, Any support you might have had from me is korban’ (that is, dedicated to God), you allow him to do nothing more for his father or mother. That is the way you nullify God’s word in favor of the traditions you have handed on. And you have many other such practices besides.” Mk 7:1-13

The korban was money vowed to the Temple. Jesus specifically warned that the korban offering could not be used as an excuse not to support one’s mother or father. To do otherwise would nullify God’s word -- His word to honor father and mother.

Third, the most profound effect of the Christ event on the fourth commandment can be found in the letters of St. Paul, specifically, Col 3:20-21 and Eph 6: 1-4. Col 3:20-21 states: “You children, obey your parents in everything as the acceptable way in the Lord. And fathers, do not nag your children lest they lose heart.” Eph 6:1-4 states: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for that is what is expected of you. ‘Honor your father and mother’ is the first commandment to carry a promise with it ‘that it may go well with you, and that you may have a long life on the earth.’ Fathers, do not anger your children. Bring them up with the training and instruction befitting the Lord.” Note three points of departure:

a.) There is a specific reciprocal ethic here between both parents and children. It never lays a duty simply on one side. Not only does it require explicit reciprocity of obligations but acknowledges the dignity of parents and children.

b.) Not only are fathers (parents) to refrain from nagging their children but specifically exhorted in Ephesians to teach and instruct children in the way of the Lord (makes explicit what was in the Hebrew mind).

c.) And this is to be done “in the Lord,” in the power of the Holy Spirit within them.

3.) Some Practical Implications for Each of Us

So many of you are living witnesses in fulfilling the specific commandment of love set forth in the fourth commandment. Your lives bespeak more clearly than anything I could have said today. You smother and surround your children with love and struggle in love to help aging parents often at the same time. You demonstrate the vitality and efficacy of His love within you by the way you live your daily lives. Through your witness, Christianity is made credible.

And society is also in your debt. It benefits as well. We learn, after all, that “the family is the basic unit of society. A healthy family is the prerequisite of a healthy society. The authority, stability, and loving relationships that are found in families are essential for a society that wants to sustain freedom, security, and community responsibility.” USCCA 383

To this end, two family groups deserve special attention as a result of the fourth commandment -- the elderly and our children.

First, the elderly:

In his book entitled The Ten Commandments (Covenant of Love), Father Alfred McBride writes that “In 1950, people sixty-five or older made up just seven percent of the population. Now (at the beginning of this millennium) the number is twelve percent, and the fastest growing age group is eighty-five and over.” (79) These statistics have faces. They are our parents and friends. Many are the elderly poor. The fourth commandment directs us to honor them. It is challenging for sure. Many of you can speak of the legal challenges, challenges of failing health (with the attendant visits to doctors one after another), the psychological challenges, the time challenges in dealing with elderly parents and grandparents and the effort to balance that with care of your own children. “While adult children may sometimes experience a strain between raising their own children and caring for their parents, they must do what they can to help their parents.

Still, not only do adult children help their parents, but many of the elderly parents also help their adult children by their continuing love, their example, and the benefit of their life-time experience. While it is right for society to help care for the elderly, the family remains the rightful source of support.” USCCA 377-78

No longer are we dependent on them as we were as children and teenagers. They are now dependent on us. This change in roles breeds new challenges for parents also, indeed resentment, that they no longer can control their own destinies. But we know, our Faith teaches us, that no human life should be denigrated because an individual has lost “commercial worth.” Yes, honor your father and mother!

Second, our children:

In addition to the discipline and love that is so essential to the raising of children, the catechism emphasizes the importance to pass on our Faith to our children. “Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children in the faith, prayer and all the virtues.” CCC 2252 It is implicit in the Hebrew understanding of the fourth commandment. Ephesians makes it crystal clear and explicit that parents have the obligation to bring their children up “with the training and instruction befitting the Lord.” Corresponding to the child’s duty to honor his/her parents is the reciprocal duty of the Christian parent to educate his/her children in the faith, in the family, through formal and informal instruction and , above all, by way of example.

“Through the grace of the sacrament of marriage, parents receive the responsibility and privilege of evangelizing their children.” CCC 2225 And this should start in a child’s earliest years. It is then that the name of Jesus is first taught, that prayers can and should be taught and that the importance and obligation of Sunday Mass must by example be nourished and taught.

“Parents, by their own faith and commitment to the Church, create an environment in their homes that is conducive to helping children begin to think about a religious vocation. They should not hesitate to invite a son or daughter to consider becoming a priest or a vowed religious. In particular, parents should always encourage and support a child who is discerning such a call.” USCCA 379 “Children in turn contribute to the growth in holiness of their parents.” CCC 2227

As we contemplate pius Aeneas carrying his father from burning Troy with his little son clutched to his leg, how can we not think of the relationships of love, unfolding love, which represent the meaning of the fourth commandment at its deepest level? In this Advent season, as we prepare for the celebration of the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ, each of us should thank the Lord for our parents, living and deceased, for our children, if we have been so blessed, always mindful of the Child of Bethlehem, of the Holy Family, a family whose honor went two ways -- to His parents and to Him, Jesus the Lord.

AMEN